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Sorted by: Leslie Vernick


The Difference Between Giving Up and Letting Go

Author: Category: Counseling, Family, Marriage

When working with clients within marriage counseling, I often see a lot of biblical confusion because of their misunderstanding of God’s will and letting go of unrealistic hope for their spouse to repent and change. They usually say something like this. “I know God’s will is for our marriage to be restored. He can change my...

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When Victims Become Villains

Author: Category: Uncategorized

Biblical counselors believe and protect victims who are often portrayed as villains in our society. I’ve noticed a disturbing phenomenon that often happens when a victim of abuse speaks out and tells the truth, or when she asks for help, protection, and/or justice.   In public cases, such as the recent Stanford University rape case or the...

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Restoring Broken Trust Through Relationship Counseling

Author: Category: Uncategorized

Relationship Counseling helps in restoring broken trust and growing in empathy and compassion by helping individuals assess where trust has been broken. When a couple or a relationship suffers a serious and/or repetitive breach of trust, it signals the relationship is in trouble. As biblical counselors, we must understand when that happens, trust needs to...

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Four Questions that Help Destructive Clients Self Examine and Self-Reflect

Author: Category: Counseling

When working with husband’s who have been abusive, you will find that most all of them have a stubborn blindness to what they are doing that is destructive to their wife. Their habit patterns are to blame and accuse rather than take the time to personally reflect upon their own attitudes and behaviors. When they...

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Three Reasons We Encourage a Woman To Lie and Pretend That her Marriage is Better than it is

Author: Category: Marriage

As Biblical counselors, is there ever a good reason to encourage our client to lie or pretend something is other than what it is?  You might immediately think no, but I believe the Bible does give us a time when we might not tell the truth.  That reason is safety.  For example, in the Old...

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Professional Boundaries. Do we need them?

Author: Category: Blog, Counseling

Over the past year I have worked with a number of individuals who have been wounded by counselors who have not maintained good or clear boundaries in the counseling relationships.  Licensed counselors have more professional guidelines that they are required to adhere to but many church based counselors as well lay counselor need more help...

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Three Ways to Spot a Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing

Author: Category: Blog, Counseling

One of the methods bank tellers and merchants learn in order to distinguish real money from counterfeit bills is to examine genuine $100 bills over and over again so that they more likely to spot the counterfeit bills when they see them.  In the same way we can learn to recognize destructive people by knowing...

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How do we Help a Woman Become More Like Christ?

Author: Category: Identity/Roles

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. Genesis 1:27 Until Christ is formed in you. Galatians 4:19 One of our main goals as Christian counselors is to help people have a passion for Christ and for him to be formed...

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Fresh lessons from Sarah’s Story

Author: Category: Marriage, Relationships

Sarah, Abraham’s wife has been iconized as the example of a godly, submissive wife, especially in the face of abusive behavior, citing 1 Peter 3:9. Pastors and counselors have used this passage with hurting women to encourage her to submit to her husband’s foolish, irresponsible, oppressive and controlling behaviors, trusting God to protect her. Yet, as Christian counselors, we must look deeper. Why would Sarah be given as an example of godly submission when Abraham told her to do things that were against the very heart of God? (Genesis 12 and 20)

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Five Warning Signs a Marriage May Be Destructive

Author: Category: Uncategorized

When Emma first met Rick, she was instantly smitten by his handsome features, strong masculine build, his take charge personality and over the top charm.  Ten months later they were married in a fairy tale wedding in front of over 200 friends and family. Once they returned home from their honeymoon, Rick made it clear...

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