This past month we all watched with horror the video where National Football League player Ray Rice punched his girlfriend in the face and dragged her unconscious body out of the elevator like a sack of potatoes. Day by day public outcry grew over the NFL’s initial treatment of the incident and the lack of serious sanctions against Rice. Thankfully public pressure prevailed and NFL Commissioner, Roger Goodell, reversed his position. He was humble enough to issue a public apology. He said he was wrong in the way he handled the incident and committed to do better in the future regarding the entire National Football’s League handling of domestic abuse cases.
Sorted by: Leslie Vernick
Most of us have watched in horror and sadness the unfolding of events in the small town of Steubenville, Ohio. Just in case you’ve not been watching the news, two high school football players were found guilty this past week of sexually assaulting a young woman who was too intoxicated to give her consent for sexual contact, or even to know what was happening to her. While this was taking place, countless other teens watched, laughed, tweeted and photographed the debauchery.
<p> Samantha had high hopes that something might change after she got an appointment with a Biblical counselor at her church. She had hoped that her counselor would stand with her and be her advocate. When she began to describe what was happening in her home, her counselor carefully listened to everything she told him.</p>
<p> Last month I received an avalanche of responses on my Facebook page to last month’s blog “Let’s Not Call it Abuse”. Many women recounted painful experiences of invalidation, minimization and silence from their Christian counselor when she disclosed what was happening at home.</p> <p> From the overwhelming feedback I received, it obvious I hit a raw nerve and I think it best that we, as biblical counselors pay attention.</p>
As biblical counselors our goal is to help marriages stay together but we must be careful to not be like the priests in Jeremiahs’ day who healed God’s people superficially by saying peace, peace, when there was no peace. When working with couples in destructive and abusive marriages, I think it’s important that we understand what it takes to put their marriage back together in a godly way. And, if one of them won’t do the work required, then what? Do we encourage them to stay legally together even if they’re relationally separated or divorced?
Nothing strikes fear into the heart of counselor faster than hearing our counselee threaten to harm herself or someone else, or even worse, disclose that they have already have. How do we respond? What should we do? Or not do? Even if you are a church based counselor, it is critical that we are familiar with the ethical and legal dilemmas involved in such cases. Briefly, here are four areas we must be vigilant so we will handle these difficult situations in a clinically sound and ethically responsible manner.
Last month I received an avalanche of responses on my Facebook page to last month’s blog “Let’s Not Call it Abuse”. Many women recounted painful experiences of invalidation, minimization and silence from their Christian counselor when she disclosed what was happening at home. From the overwhelming feedback I received, it obvious I hit a raw nerve and I think it best that we, as biblical counselors pay attention.
This is the third installment of a series of blogs regarding important steps a counselor must take to help restore a destructive marriage. In the first blog I talked about the importance of all forms of safety in a marriage (such as emotional, physical, financial, spiritual, sexual). In the second blog, I addressed the importance of sanity. We want our counselee not only to think biblically but to be walking in grace and truth. When wrong thinking fuels, justifies, and excuses sinful behaviors, it’s not possible to heal a destructive marriage. As biblical counselors we want to help a couple build loving and godly interactions, but this takes awareness, repentance, perseverance, and a good amount of time in order to build a new history together.
When our Christian counselee says something like, “I just can’t forgive myself” as biblical
The opposite of love isn’t hate, it is indifference. Indifference says I don’t care enough about you to give you my time, my energy or other resources to show interest, care, or love towards you. Indifference says how you feel or what you want doesn’t matter to me. Indifference says you are not a person to love, but an object to use. Indifference says I don’t need to change anything to make our relationship better for you if it’s okay for me. Indifference says that you exist for my benefit and when you don’t please me or benefit me anymore, you are replaceable or disposable.