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Sorted by: Leslie Vernick


Disordered Loves, Messed Up Lives

Author: Category: Uncategorized

I feel so sad. Many people I know feel desperate, confused, angry, depressed, and messed up.  I hurt for them and want to help—don’t you? As Christian counselors, we are invited into someone’s broken heart and messed up life. They want hope that we have something unique to offer that will help them figure out what’s wrong so that they will feel better. But that’s the million dollar question isn’t it?  What’s wrong? I’m afraid sometimes in my eagerness to be biblical, I’ve offered my counselee a biblical solution rather than God himself.  I see this person before me as rebellious or undisciplined or indifferent to God’s Word and now the consequences of those lifestyle choices and/or emotional and thinking habits are bearing down on him or her in painful ways.

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Sometimes You Have to Stop Being Just a Servant

Author: Category: Uncategorized

<p> I was speaking at a major Christian University about building healthy relationships recently and a student approached me with a problem.  He said, “You teach mutuality and reciprocity are important components in </p>

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Five (5) Ways to Stop Discouragement from Getting the Best of You and your Counselees.

Author: Category: Uncategorized

Discouragement and disappointment are normal emotions we all experience even as Christians, but it’s important to know how to make sure those debilitating emotions don’t get the best of us. First, let’s look at four reasons why we get discouraged and disappointed.

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Is Emotional Abuse Grounds for Biblical Separation?

Author: Category: Uncategorized

We tend to categorize things in black and white, right and wrong, good and bad, and biblical and unbiblical, but I think some things aren’t always so clear. James 3:2 tells us that we all stumble in many ways.

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Is it Biblical?

Author: Category: Uncategorized

My husband and I were flying to Florida for a needed vacation. After we dragged ourselves through security we sat down to reassemble ourselves.  Glancing up we observed an odd and troubling scene behind the airport information desk. “Inappropriate!” I said.  “Weird” was the word my husband

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Five (5) Ways to Stop Discouragement from Getting the Best of You and your Counselees.

Author: Category: Uncategorized

<p> <span style="line-height: 1.7em;">Discouragement and disappointment are normal emotions we all experience even as Christians, but it’s important to know how to make sure those debilitating emotions don’t get the best of us.</span></p> <p> First, let’s look at four reasons why we get discouraged and disappointed.</p>

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The Slippery Side of Hope

Author: Category: Uncategorized

Hope deferred makes the heart sick. (Proverbs 13:12) Depression, despair, feelings of disquiet and emptiness are common complaints we hear in the counseling office. Standard treatments of care for depressed persons notwithstanding, in this post I’d like to single out one specific aspect of the diagnostic picture as well as treatment plan that Christian counselors often fail to see but are uniquely equipped to address.

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Do you Know What Questions to Ask?

Author: Category: Uncategorized

John and Carol were in counseling for over year.  Their presenting problem was identified as communication issues and difficulties agreeing on how to discipline their teenage son.  John was a deacon in their church and managed security for a large corporation.  Carol was a homemaker. They were married seventeen years, their son just turned fifteen and they had two younger daughters. During their bi monthly counseling sessions Carol would often defer to John for the answer to the counselor’s questions.  She seemed very anxious to get help as they were concerned that their teenage son was

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Why We Must Never Forget Even When We Do Forgive

Author: Category: Uncategorized

<p> Working for over 30 years with couples attempting to recover from serious marital sin, I have often heard one of them say, “Why can’t you just forgive and forget?” or “You’re holding onto the past? </p>

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The Church’s Response to Emotional Abuse

Author: Category: Uncategorized

Isaiah 63:5 I was amazed to see that no one intervened to help the oppressed. So I myself stepped in to save them with my strong arm. Don lumbered into my office, shoulders stooped.  He was the pastor of a mid-sized congregation in my area.  He referred clients to me in the past. He stopped by to talk over whether or not he should resign as pastor from his church.  “Last Sunday was a horrible day. I don’t know how much more of this I can take,” he said. “After church I went home and spent the rest of the day in bed. My wife is really worried about me.”

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