As one who has dedicated my life to helping people grow through their life struggles, I often face the temptation to become weary. “Why do I do this?” I query within myself. A close examination of that question reveals that much of my motivation is driven by a sense of obligation—the sense that I “should” do this because of how good God has been to me—or fear—I mean, what else can I do, since this is where I have landed in my life pursuit.
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When it comes to conflict in relationships, Ken Sande says there are really only three kinds of people: peace-fakers, peace-breakers and peace-makers. Peace-breakers are prideful and power up. If they don’t get their way, they blow up, escalating conflict like gas on a flickering flame.
Last month I wrote an article about superficial apologies, when “I’m sorry” is not the end of rebuilding a shattered marriage but only the beginning of genuine change. But what does that change look like in real life?
When we counsel a spouse who reports being in an emotionally destructive marriage, the focus often turns to what she can do better in the hopes that she can influence her spouse to change. Biblical counsel then usually moves into helping a women to submit more, love harder, learn to communicate more respectfully, becoming forbearing, developing patience, and figuring out how to have a sexual relationship with someone who treats her cruelly or as if the only one whose thoughts and feelings matter are his.
The Bible is honest about life in this fallen world. This honesty is a sign of God’s love. He’s the wise and gentle father preparing his child for that
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I promise, I won’t do it again”, sobbed Cory, a nine year old who was on his way to his bedroom for the evening after hitting his little sister, again. As parents we’ve all been there. A ninth hour apology made to avoid the consequences of parental punishment.
"And He saved them out of their distresses. 14 He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death, And broke their chains in pieces," Psalm 107:13b-14. In the last post, I wrote about two kinds of grief; one produces repentance, the other death. This is a critical point. Godly sorrow or grief over one's sins produces change. A good tree (Godly grief) produces good fruit (repentance, change).
Communication is hard, especially “in the moment.” It is one thing to be convicted by a sermon on the power of the tongue or the way our words reveal our heart. It is another thing to be “in the moment” with your spouse (child, sibling, parent, friend, co-worker, enemy, etc…) and to have the awareness, self-control, courage, and humility to acknowledge what is ruling your heart and change the direction of the “discussion”. That is the purpose of this article, to help you “in the moment”.
We talk a lot about relationships in the church. There are scores of marriage seminars, retreats, and conferences. There are video series and books for newlyweds and engaged couples. Most every church offers marital counseling and most every pastor preaches somewhat regularly on marriage. And the same is true for parenting. There are dozens of books on raising children. There are Sunday school
In case any of you have missed the ongoing discussion on free will between my dear shirt-tail cousin, JoAnne, and I, you might want to look at it. Because I've spent a good deal of time responding to her, I think I'll just blast through the rest of this section. I'm assuming that most of you who are reading this blog are already on board with the Doctrines of Grace and wouldn't profit from more meandering through this section. And yet, there are a few points that I think are helpful for us to remember: "[Saving] Grace is acquired not by 'doing what is in one' [by just trying your hardest]. It is acquired when we are so completely humbled by God's alien work in law and wrath that we see how completely we are caught in the web of sin and turn to Christ as the only hope." (61)