When Our Counseling Seems Futile

Author: Jeremy Lelek

Category: Biblical Counseling

I have served as a counselor now for many years. I wish I could say that in all those years I’ve become so proficient that I always witness obvious breakthroughs in every case. But that would be dishonest. Even with experience, I continue to meet people and face situations where the visible measure of my counseling feels inadequate.

Whether you’re newer to the work of soul-care or seasoned in ministry, you can likely relate: we hold our first session with someone, hope is apparent, and then — they don’t return, citing a different “fit.” Or we invest weeks, maybe months, with a couple who seem to be making progress, and then one comes in declaring they have consulted a lawyer. Or a counselee signs a safety contract, but we hear the next day that they’ve been hospitalized. Even worse, maybe many of these happen in the same week.

When the fruit of our efforts seems minimal, discouragement beckons. Our insecurities rise. Our focus drifts from loving God and serving others, to measuring our performance and fearing that we’ve failed. But it doesn’t have to end there. Even our Savior knows what it is to labour, to serve, and to feel at least the appearance of futility.

Christ’s Example in Our Struggles

Consider the prophet’s words to the Servant in Isaiah 49:

And he said to me, ‘You are my servant Israel in whom I will be glorified.’ But I said, ‘I have laboured in vain; I have spent my strength for nothing and vanity…(Isa 49:3-4a)

It’s difficult to imagine the incarnate Son of God feeling that His efforts might be “in vain,” yet Isaiah indicates it. Then in the Gospels, we witness Jesus lament over Jerusalem:

O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the city that kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to it! How often would I have gathered your children together … and you would not! (Matt 23:37)

He knew ministry frustration. But He did not end in despair. Instead, He rested in the sovereign purposes of His Father:

…yet surely my right is with the Lord, and my recompense with my God. (Isa 49:4b)

His work was far from futile — it would reach the ends of the earth (Isa 49:6). And so the promise of the Spirit-given mission is fulfilled (Luke 24:44-49; Acts 10). Jesus’ dependent surrender on the Father’s purposes becomes our model.

If the Master faced resistance, disappointment, and apparent futility, then certainly His servants will too. The response, however, is not to crumble—we are invited to shift our focus from outcomes we control, to the One who controls outcomes.

Implications for Soul-Care in 2025

In our world today—where virtual sessions, remote ministry, therapeutic culture, and constant connectivity shape the landscape—counselors face new pressures:

• We may track progress via apps, online check-ins, graph tools. While helpful, these metrics can mislead us into thinking success is only what we see.

• The pandemic’s lingering psychological and relational effects mean many counselees arrive with deeper story, more complex trauma, and slower visible change.

• The cultural value of immediate results (“instant gratification”) pushes us toward quick visible wins rather than long-term enduring change.

• Digital anonymity and remote access can reduce retention in counseling: a person clicks out, disconnects, or simply “logs off” before change is measurable.

Given these realities, our calling as biblical counselors is more vital than ever—but so is our humility and dependence. We must not let low visible results, slow progress, or disengagement define our value.

Practical Considerations for When Our Counseling Seems Futile

1. Embrace resistance as invitation
   Rather than rewarding when a session “works” by someone’s return, see resistance or disengagement as an opportunity to lean into the faithful God whose timing and methods we cannot fully see.

2. Check your motives and beliefs
   Ask: Why am I discouraged? Is it because the counselee isn’t responding to me, or because I feel ineffective? Do I trust my skill more than I trust His power? Am I seeking my glory or His?

3. Remember – you are sowing, not harvesting
   As Paul wrote:

   Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap… And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. (Gal 6:7-9)
   Your role is faithful sowing—His is life-giving harvest.

4. Acknowledge who opens minds

   …Then he opened their minds to understand the Scriptures… (Luke 24:45)
   We don’t hold the key; Christ alone does. Remind yourself daily that transformation is ultimately His work.

5. Commit to your own growth
   Just as the counselee may need time, so do we. If visible progress is absent, perhaps God is refining you—your Christ-dependence, your relational sensitivity, your ability to listen, your clarity in pointing to the gospel.

6. Adapt to 2025 realities

   • Use digital tools wisely—remember they serve, not define, the counseling relationship.

   • Be attentive to slower trajectories: trauma, lockdown-effects, relational isolation all mean change may come in “hidden growth,” not dramatic shifts.

   • Encourage measurement of gospel-marks (repentance, faith, love) over just behavioral outcomes.

Final Word: Hope in a Better Savior

When our efforts feel futile—when appointments are missed, progress stalls, or discouragement deepens—we still stand in the presence of the God who ordained the process before we ever met the counselee. Our confidence rests not in our successes, but in the One who redeems, restores, and renews.

Take heart. The labor is not wasted. The change-agent is with us. He sees, He works, He fulfills. Our faithful sowing in 2025 and beyond is part of the grand narrative of redemption.

Published: Revised 2025
Original article published January 4, 2016. Revisions made to reflect current counseling context and encourage Christ-centered hope.

Posted on October 20, 2025