I. Does the couple read the Bible together on a regular basis? “For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart” (Hebrews 4:12, ESV). II. Does the couple place […]
What is love? One of the reasons many of us do not experience love to the fullest, it because we do not truly know what is real love. In this month that holds Valentine’s Day, red roses fly off the florist shelf, date nights abound, candies and notes fall into the decorated boxes of elementary […]
I believe every Christian should spend extended time with a counselor. Now, I know that’s a provocative statement, so let me explain. Years ago, I was listening to a message by a pastor I respect, and he was talking about how he and his wife go to counseling. So, I went home and told my […]
Intentionally seeking and granting forgiveness is first and foremost about the glory of God. As we humble ourselves to His will and seek to imitate Him in our relationships with others, forgiveness serves as the foundation upon which relational and emotional healing may take place. “Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and […]
When working with clients within marriage counseling, I often see a lot of biblical confusion because of their misunderstanding of God’s will and letting go of unrealistic hope for their spouse to repent and change. They usually say something like this. “I know God’s will is for our marriage to be restored. He can change my […]
As a pastor and counselor, I have been exposed to many things that make my heart grieve. I’m sure you have experienced the same emotion, if you have tried in any capacity to love, serve and minister to sinful people living in a broken world. Sometimes this grief is short-lived and easily comforted, but other […]
As Biblical counselors, is there ever a good reason to encourage our client to lie or pretend something is other than what it is? You might immediately think no, but I believe the Bible does give us a time when we might not tell the truth. That reason is safety. For example, in the Old […]
Sarah, Abraham’s wife has been iconized as the example of a godly, submissive wife, especially in the face of abusive behavior, citing 1 Peter 3:9. Pastors and counselors have used this passage with hurting women to encourage her to submit to her husband’s foolish, irresponsible, oppressive and controlling behaviors, trusting God to protect her. Yet, as Christian counselors, we must look deeper. Why would Sarah be given as an example of godly submission when Abraham told her to do things that were against the very heart of God? (Genesis 12 and 20)
When a couple comes to a counselor or pastor for help after serious and repetitive sin, how do we measure progress? Often we see a couple for months without ever defining clear goals or defining what needs to change. Below are ten indicators that I use that help me know that a couple is healing.
When I was engaged, my fiancé and I went for pre-marital counseling as most engaged couples do. I remember my pastor specifically emphasizing the idea of submitting to my husband as the leader of our home. My pastor looked me in the eye and said, “Howard has the final say over things.”
